My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
