I hope mine doesn't look like that
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
