she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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