Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
