nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
