Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
