I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize