I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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