someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
