I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
