break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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