Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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