If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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