We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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