he thought i was a dude.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
