we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
