Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
