Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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