his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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