I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
