every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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