We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
