ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
