I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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