since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
