This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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