apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
