At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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