we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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