Soap is not a condiment
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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