There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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