It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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