I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
