just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
