I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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