last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
