I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
