I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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