never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
