You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
