So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
