I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
