I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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