Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize