I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
