billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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