You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
