we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
