you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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