Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize