Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
