Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
