; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
