if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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