Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize