Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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