She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
