I haven't been this sober since birth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
