Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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