Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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