I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
