he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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