he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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