absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
