It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can I color on your dick again?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
