the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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