The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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