I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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