You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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