i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
