how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
