I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just gargled with NyQuil
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
