Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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