You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
