Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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