last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
