Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
