I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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