I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
