You really coming over, don't trick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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