woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
