i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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