So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My balls are so social today.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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