i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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