So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
