I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
