I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
