i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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