I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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