I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
