i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
