Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
