when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
