And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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