I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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