in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize