I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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