There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
