Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
