apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
