gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
