when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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