It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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