well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
