i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
