I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
